Reflections

"Life is a journey, not a destination." - Ralph W. Emerson

There is a tragedy in every person's life. We experience heartbreaks, failures, remorse and pain. We experience the fleeting illusions of achievements and glory. The biggest tragedy, however, is death.

At the same time, there is a melancholic beauty in each one of us that transcends the mundane chores of our day to day lives. I feel this in times of happiness, friendship and love, and try to discover a sense of purpose behind my transient existence in this vast universe.

I listen to this song and the eternal truth dawns on me. This too shall pass.

24

You know that you are growing up when

1) The last time you dreamed was one month back, and that too was about getting more citations for your previous research paper.

2) You prefer to read history and philosophy rather than detective or romantic novels.

3) Your favorite music is Rabindrasangeet (songs composed by Rabindranath Tagore).

4) All the problems in your life are related to Algorithms and Game Theory.

The journey continues :)

Tumi (Bengali Poem)

Bhebechilam tumi amai poth dekhabe raate,

Kanna-hashi, dukhho-sukhe roibe amar sathe.

Jokhon kono bijon kone katbe somoy shunno mone,

Tokhon tumi asbe jano oporuper alo-

Ghuchbe sokol kalo.



Onekta poth hete eseo paini tomar dekha,

Hoyto aro onekta poth cholte hobe eka.

Hoyto acho sobar majhe, hoyto tumi nei,

Ami kebol thakbo jeno amar ami-tei.

Different Identities

Every person is associated with multiple identities. I was tagged as a Bengali, an Indian, and a Hindu from the first day of my life; nobody asked me what I thought of Bengali as a language, India as a country or Hinduism as a religion. Still these identities play a significant role in the way we view ourselves, and the way people view us.

Born a Hindu, I have grown up to become an atheist. I feel the early prophets of all religions were remarkable men of their time. Jesus and Mohammed were great men, but so were Socrates and Plato. The trouble with any organized religion is it lays a down a set of rules in a holy book thousands of years old, and dogmatically claims that people should follow these rules and the same way of life even in twenty-first century. Plato supported the institution of slavery in his Republic. Today if a person comes to me and says a civilized nation cannot do without slaves, I will call her a racist. However, this does not mean I am discrediting Plato; the society and its value system were completely different in his time. Similarly there are obnoxious passages in religious scriptures, but the followers of the concerned religion will never admit their Prophet could say something wrong. If a person is trying to lead her life according to the dictates of an organized religion, she is in a sense trying to fly an airplane by reading a manual for wheel-cart.

While I have repudiated all religions, I am extremely fond of my nationality and mother-tongue. But I am not jingoistic enough to be a proud Indian or a proud Bengali, due to a couple of reasons.

Firstly, I was born with these identities, and did not do anything to achieve them.

Secondly, quoting Jawaharlal Nehru, "India is home to all that is truly noble and truly disgusting in the human experience". Perhaps the same statement applies to Bengal as well!

I identify with the destiny of this country, regardless of whether or not it is the greatest nation in the world; and I feel extremely fortunate for being able to read Rabindranath Tagore in his native language.

There are people with markedly different attitudes towards the same identities. Some immigrants to the US are devoted to their religion, but feel no compunction while applying for US citizenships and giving up their native passports. Are they doing the right thing? Have I done the right thing? Perhaps these are not the right questions to ask, and one should not to be judgmental about these issues.

Plan B

I am happy to be a student of Computer Science specializing in design and analysis of algorithms. But the question remains whether there is some other profession where I would have fared reasonably well. Had destiny wanted me not to grow up as a nerdy scientist, what would have been my Plan B?

One should possess a couple of qualities in order to succeed in any job: passion and caliber. The situation is quite similar to winning a girl's heart. I may have a passion for Sania Mirza, unfortunately though, she is way beyond my reach. On the other hand, I don't have a passion for Rakhi Sawant, and fortunately enough, I am way beyond her reach.

Just like millions of Indians growing up in the nineties, Cricket was my first love. Unless distracted by unimportant, mundane events such as going to school, I watched every game of team India. I attended each and every match at Eden Gardens. Further, at the cost of being immodest, let me say I had a reasonable amount of cricketing sense. But I lacked the physical stamina and eyesight to become a cricketer. Someone jokingly said, "Sayan bats like an Anil Kumble, bowls like a Rahul Dravid, and fields like a Sourav Ganguly". Can you imagine anyone else simultaneously being compared to three greats of all time!

I am extremely fond of listening to music, and a huge fan of Kishore Kumar. Once I took a serious attempt at learning how to sing. What transpired next was not much different from this clip.




So I tried my hand at painting. It took a couple of lessons and one slap from my teacher (I was only six years old at that time) to induce me to drop both my ambition to become a painter and my name from the class.

Finally, I stumbled upon something I could do well and was really passionate about, namely, reading books. It has remained a passion since early childhood. What a pity that I cannot take it up as a profession, nobody pays you for reading short stories, novels and history.

Treadmill

After spending the whole day reading papers, thinking hard, and staring blankly at the walls, I decided to hit the gym. When you are mentally exhausted, the best way to recharge your batteries is to exhaust yourself physically as well. At least you will have a good night sleep, making it easier to refrain from obsessing over that problem you are trying to crack since the past couple of months.

While running on a treadmill, a piece of thought occurred to me. Let me begin with a gentle warning: I am a self confessed nerd, and by implication, a slew of weird thoughts capture my imagination all the time. To be honest, I had read about it somewhere long time back, and do not claim the perspective to be an original one. Nevertheless, I would like to articulate the viewpoint.

A person should have a clear idea of what she wants to achieve in her life. I intend to use the word achievement in the broadest sense possible. Indeed, one may aspire to become a respected professional, a loving daughter and wife, a trusted friend, and all these are considered to be achievements. A way of verifying that you are on track, an easy way, is to ask yourself whether or not you are trying hard enough. However, this can often be misleading. Suppose you are running on a treadmill. Close your eyes, and it will feel as if you are working very hard, perspiring a lot, and making great strides towards your goal; whereas in reality, you are stuck at the same place, wasting valuable energy for no good reason. A similar situation might arise in life. So the next time you approach nervous breakdown due to late nights in office, or get emotionally drained out in a relationship, open your eyes and honestly ask yourself: Is it worth it? If the answer is no, better change course late than never.

23

Not so long ago there was a kid who used to go to school, play cricket, watch sunsets (he was always a late riser), and loved to dream. He was afraid of spiders, cockroaches, drawing classes, and wanted to remain a child forever. Time flows by. He went to college, made some great friends, graduated, had a fair share of joy, sorrow, love and heartbreak.

The kid turned 23 today. Let us see what life has in store for him.